Service Federal Center of Narcology "Freedom"
Close, living next to a person addicted to drugs react to the change in his behavior usually the same: resentment, anger, guilt, nervous breakdowns, a sense of futility and impotence.
The whole family of a drug addict is knocked out of the normal rut of life and suffers. Usually parents feel responsible for the state of the child and ask themselves the questions: "Where did you miss? What is our mistake? ". The questions are legitimate, but even answering them, you will not find a way out of the situation. The drug addict himself is profitable, that you feel guilty, and he / she also clings to this thought: "It's you who are to blame for everything - they never understood me! You always tried to suppress me, to command me, to humiliate me (or you did not care about me, etc.). " And all this further strengthens the sense of guilt of parents (or spouses).
Everyone in the family becomes irritable. There is nothing surprising, that usually balanced and sane adults under the influence of the sharply changed behavior of their child begin to speak and commit acts previously not peculiar to them. During a period of mental breakdown, people can act like riotous crazy. Parents can: reproach, threaten, call, scold, beg, even beat. But none of these funds, of course, does not benefit the situation. A drug addict only feels threatened and opposed to his relatives; These feelings add confusion to his abnormal, sick state.
In order to protect and save from unnecessary trouble, many parents themselves distribute debts made by a drug addict, call to school or work and come up with the reasons for his absence, lie on phone calls. Parents are afraid that the addict will harm his life, because they are trying to intervene and correct his actions, based on the best intentions. Perhaps, many, in the first place, think about their reputation. Many do all this, driven by a sense of guilt. Another is unbearable to see a son / daughter suffering.
When a drug addict is rescued and his mistakes are healed, it is by this that his parents strengthen his tendency to continue the behavior that has already led him to trouble. After all, for his bad behavior, he gets a reward - first in the form of a buzz from the drug, and then also the relief of all the consequences - at work everything is settled, debts are given, the sold items are replaced with new ones. Thus, "caring parents" have done everything so that the child does not face the result of his behavior and would not draw conclusions. A child who is constantly forgiven for misses, and then loses his / her job / school, for not doing household chores, for losing (and then stealing) money or things, practices in his Family to be irresponsible, unsuitable for life in society.
In a family where addiction to drugs is growing, the feelings of love decrease. We are only people, therefore often your love is conditioned. If love is not rewarded by the expected, it is quenched. Love lives by love. If there is nothing good in response to love, it becomes bitter.
When drugs (including alcohol) become more important for those who use them in meaning than their loved ones, the feeling of love is tested and, unfortunately, often, abuse gradually kills love. The parents of drug addicts, who have already realized the perniciousness of their behavior as accomplices, have revealed an alternative to such behavior, this is "hard love". To love your child with harsh or harsh love means to take care of him so that he can tell him "no!" In response to abuse, not to harm him, but be ready to offend the offender.
A hard love tells a drug addict: "That's enough. We refuse to drag you out of the problems that you create for yourself; We love you and therefore we tell you: if you want to suffer - suffer, do not want - look for the way of salvation. " When parents find the strength and patience to exercise a hard love, each person begins to bear responsibility for himself and, consequently, the process of recovery.
This is the only chance to get rid of the disease - drug addiction - which affects all family members, to some extent.